We Said Yes

It’s funny how things come together in life, in ways that we never expect.  In this instance, it has taken a few years for things to come together.  And, quite honestly, it is only just beginning to come together.  I wish that there was a tunnel that I could look down to get just a tiny glimpse of how this story is going to end, but, then again, sometimes it’s the unknown endings that are the most exciting in life, especially when you know that God is the one putting all the pieces together.  All of that being said, I think that I am ready to tell you what we have said yes to.

This really started to come together back in November when I , kind of begrudgingly, attended a church retreat.  No, back up a little.  It really started when I, begrudgingly, agreed to read the book Radical by David Platt.  (Notice a theme here? Things that Becky didn’t want to do, but did them.)  I didn’t want to go the women’s retreat with the wonderful ladies from our old church back home because I knew that I could only stay for one night and had to leave at lunch time that Saturday.  I didn’t think it was worth the 90 minute drive to only get to experience 24 hours of the retreat.  Boy was I mistaken!

Of course, once I got there I was so happy to see my good friends, but my heart was not into the whole “retreat” thing.  I wanted to spend some time with my girls and then head home and I kind of forgot about the part where God shows up to these things.  That night I ended up in a room with a friend named Amy.  I was excited to talk with her because I wanted to talk to her about how God used the book Radical to change her life.  Her story was amazing!  We had a very animated conversation with eyes wide open, literally. 

I told her how Shad and I were affected by the book and how we were still processing the things that God showed us about our lives that needed to change.  Let me just say that if you read this book you are either going to change your outlook on life or you are going to be highly offended.  Keep in mind the book’s subtitle is, “Taking back your faith from the American Dream.”  It’s not an easy read as it pokes at things like how we spend our money, how we spend our time, and how we need to take Jesus literally when he says, “Go and make disciples of all nations.”  It may not be an easy read, but the lasting affects are so good.  Anyway, Amy and I talked for a good hour or two.

Towards the end of our conversation we got to talking about Haiti.  I had never thought about Haiti until the day of the earthquake a little over 3 years ago.  I was drawn to a blog that I have not stopped reading since.  Over the course of these last 3 years, my heart has broken for Haiti.  About 2 years ago Shad and I started giving monthly to Heartline Ministries because we knew that what they were doing was exactly what Jesus told us to do, they are making disciples of the nation of Haiti.  While Amy and I were talking about Haiti, she told me something that has not gone out of my mind since.

When Amy told me about the 2 kids in Haiti that needed a home, and then added, “maybe you and Shad could adopt them,” I laughed nervously and said “not us.”  I thought that was the end of that conversation.  When I went back to my room at about 1 am, I was thinking about how I was glad I stayed up so late because I would be able to fall asleep quickly.  As soon as my head hit the pillow, my brain turned on, full force.  Those kids just kept rolling around and around in my brain…and my heart.  I thought about the pictures of the tent cities in Port au Prince and how that must be what their house looks like.  I thought about the desperation of their mother to not be able to care for her own children.  And then I remembered something that I saw a few years before, something that I had pushed so far back in my brain that I didn’t remember it until just that moment. 

When we do a bible study, Shad always answers his questions on the computer, as opposed to the old fashioned way, writing them down.  He has always told me I could read what he writes, but I never did.  We would sit and discuss our answers, so I never really felt the need to.  Also, I kind of felt like I was invading his privacy.  One day, only one time, ever, I sat down and read some of his answers.  I have no idea what the question was, but I do remember his answer.  “I feel like God may be calling me to be a father to the fatherless.”  As I sat at the computer and read that answer, I got kind of mad.  We were just on the cusp of making a final decision to get pregnant with Bethany and that was all I wanted.  And then I remembered how he mentioned to me once that maybe we should adopt a kiddo instead of having another baby.  I took it as an off-handed comment and never thought about it again.  Until the night I talked to Amy.

After tossing and turning for most of the night, I think I ended up with only a couple of hours of sleep.  I woke the next morning feeling like I was in a fog.  I was there at the retreat, but my brain was somewhere else.  I kept trying to push it away, but I could not stop thinking about the kids in Haiti.  All through worship, I was on the verge of tears, trying to keep it together.  God was talking to me in a huge way.  He was telling me that these were not just thoughts, they were HIM.

Every year at our women’s retreat, we get a framed card with a bible verse on it.  These scriptures are prayed over by several women in the days leading up to the retreat and then they are “randomly” handed out to each woman.  I say random in a human sense, but they are totally intended for each woman by God.  We weren’t supposed to open them until we were alone, but I knew I had to leave and I had a feeling mine was important.  I am always nervous as I open my verse because they have always been exactly what I need to hear.  (One year I had written a verse down and had been carrying it in my purse for the two weeks leading up to retreat.  When I opened my verse at retreat, it was the exact same one!)  My hands were shaking as I opened the little box and as soon as my eyes read the words, I knew what our answer had to be.

I sat there and tried to eat my lunch, but I couldn’t.  I knew I had to find Amy and tell her.  I walked over to her at her table a few over from mine a bit zombieish.  I sat down and told her how I couldn’t sleep the night before because those kids were going through my mind all night long.  And then I showed her my verse and we embraced and cried.  I can’t remember what we talked about after that, but I left a few minutes later to head home.

All the way home I continued to think about the kids in Haiti, their mom, their situation.  I asked God how we could just take those kids out of their world and put them in ours.  It would be devastating for them.  I still don’t know how we can do that.  But a thought kept coming into my head.  If this is what God is asking us to do, how can we say no?  HOW CAN WE SAY NO???

I decided that I would wait until Shad and I could be alone and really talk before I sprung all this on him.  When I walked in the door he was sitting at the dining room table and the kids were watching a movie.  I knew we had to get ready to leave soon, but I felt like I was going to explode from nerves.  I had to tell him.  So I gave him the abridged version of the story and he listened.  He didn’t freak out like I thought he would, he was so calm.  (He always is.  He has never “freaked out” on me.  I don’t know why I always expect him to.)  Then he said, “don’t you remember when I told you that maybe we should adopt a few years ago and you totally blew me off.”  Uh, ya, I kind of remember that. 

We talked about the idea of adopting for several days after, we prayed about it and we come to one concrete conclusion, how can we say no?  So, the answer is yes.  There has been a lot of conversation back and forth regarding these 2 kids in Haiti.  We have no idea if we are even able to adopt them.  We are totally willing to adopt them, but if we can’t adopt them specifically, we have still said yes to adopting.  And we both feel like God has put Haiti on our hearts.  We do not know any of the specifics right now, except that our answer is yes.  God already knows how this story is going to end and He likes the ending.  As of right now, we have been in contact with an international adoption agency and will probably start the application process after we get moved.  Shad and I know that we are in the very, very beginning stages of the adoption process and we also know that it could be years before we physically add a child or children to our family, but we are excited to see how this story will all come together, by the grace of God.

 

My verse from retreat:

Whether you turn to the right

or to the left, your ears will

hear a voice behind you, saying,

“This is the way;  walk in it.”

Isaiah 30:21