Parenting Fail

After 10 years of parenting, there have been a few time where I felt like I was able to come with a wonderfully creative way to deal with a parenting conundrum.  Whether it’s coming up with a creative punishment for Josh after he gave his sister a bloody nose.  Or maybe forcing two kids that just won’t stop fighting with each other to sit on the couch next to one another until they work it out.  This time, though, I thought I had nailed it.  I mean, it did involve giving the kids money.  What could go wrong?

We were getting ready to take the kids to the local arcade.  You know the place where you load money onto a card and then send the kids off to blow ten dollars in 30 minutes and then you head to the “prize” room with their tickets to so they can spend them.  I use the term “prize” loosely.  The only prizes in the room cost so many tickets that by the time a kid can afford it they have spent about 50 hours playing games and the parents have actually spent about $1000 for a stuffed Olaf.  Usually my kids walk out of the “prize” room with a plastic toy that breaks by the time we get to the car or a handful of candy and a set of plastic fangs.  Shad and I loath the “prize” room.

This time, though, I got an idea.  When I shared it with Shad he agreed that it was, indeed, a pretty good idea.  Before we left the house we told the kids that we were going to play games and get tickets, but, instead of spending the tickets on prizes junk, we would give them ten cents per ticket.  Shad and I avoid the tears of a child who’s toy just broke on the ride home and the kids walk away with a few bucks in their pockets.  It’s a win win!

We headed to the arcade area, Josh with his money card and Hannah and Bethany with theirs.  Shad went off with Josh and I followed the girls to the more little kid friendly games.  I started out kind of helping Bethany because I wanted to see her get a few tickets at least.  As the pile of tickets I was holding for her grew, I stopped helping her.  A few times Shad and I passed each other and wondered to each other if we had made the right choice about the tickets.  They just kept getting more tickets.  As a machine would spit out 11 tickets I would be doing the math in my head, that’s $1.10.  The stack in my hand kept getting bigger and bigger.

And then this happened:

It was her last game before we headed out.  If  you look closely, it’s really a liner.  Sadly (for the parents), the machine gave it to her.  One hundred tickets.  ONE HUNDRED!  TEN DOLLARS!  That’s not even counting the ones I was holding in my hand!

I quickly found Shad and we pulled over to the side as the kids jumped up and down with excitement.  The conversation went something like this:

Me: She just won 100 tickets!

Shad:  I know!  That’s ten bucks!

Me:  I know!  She also has these ones!

Shad:  That’s a lot of money.  Josh has a bunch too!  What are we going to do?

Me:  I think we need to re-think this whole cash for tickets business.  This is going to get very expensive for us!

Shad:  Yes it is!

Me:  Maybe, so we don’t seem like inconsistent parents, we just give them the choice.  Do they want cash or do they want to go to the junk, I mean, prize room?

Shad:  Well, we can ask, but I’m sure they are just going to want cash.  Who wouldn’t?

Me to the kids:  OK guys.  Dad and I have decided that if you want to go to the prize room and spend your tickets on something in there, then we will let you.

By now we were just hoping maybe one of them would say yes.  We looked at them expectantly trying to make the prize room seem like it would be so much better than cold hard cash.  Bethany, being the little one that doesn’t understand the value of money, took the bait.  Josh, the kid who is always in the moment, fell next.  But Hannah, she could not be swayed.  She wanted her cash.

The final count:

Josh-172 tickets

Could have walked away with $17, instead walked away with 2 packages of sour licorice.

Bethany-209 tickets

Could have walked away with $21, instead walked away with a giant pen and a small box of Nerds candy.

Hannah-145 tickets

Could have walked away with about 4 Tootsie Rolls and a set of plastic fangs, instead walked away with $15!

As it stands, Josh has eaten half of his sour candy and the rest is sitting in the pantry.  I predict I will be throwing it away about 2 weeks from today.  Bethany ate about 3/4 of the Nerds candy and, after the rest of the box sat on the counter for about 24 hours, I threw it away.  The giant pen was fun for about a day and then Hannah thought it would be a good idea to take it apart, removing a piece that will not go back in the way it should.  And now the giant pen no longer clicks, so the write-y part does not come out.  The upside, Bethany found a Nerd in her car seat the next day.  That candy surprise made her smile.

As a parent, sometimes you think you’ve got it figured out and sometimes you have to totally fake  your way through it.  I guess as long as the kids don’t know you are faking your way through this whole parenting gig, then you are doing OK.