Hearing

Yes, I know, it's been a week since I have written anything. Besides the week long camping trip (which was a great success, by the way), I have also been avoiding the blog a bit. I haven't felt like I have anything positive to say, so I have been doing just what my Mom told me to do, saying nothing at all. I've barely even updated my status on Facebook. I don't know why I am feeling negative except the ankle is still sore and a little swollen, I still get the blah's, my bras don't fit, the budget is bothering me and I am just getting impatient for school to start. OK I guess I do know why. So there you have it, my list of complaints. I'll stop now.

I have story I want to share, but I have to warn you, it's going to be long. But I feel like it needs to be shared, so I am going to write it all out and it is up to if you want to read it. That being said, here goes...

When I was pregnant with Hannah I really thought I didn't want to have any more babies. I definitely didn't want to be pregnant again. (Mostly due to focusing on the negative, where have I heard that before?) But, of course, as soon as she was born and I felt the magic of falling in love with my newborn all the negativity melted away and the idea of one more kiddo cropped into my head.

Sometime after Hannah turned one I brought up the idea to Shad. I just knew he was going to be impossible to convince. He actually surprised my by turning the tables on me. He does that sometimes. It's his type of wisdom when it comes to decision making, he puts it back on you to figure it out. So his reply was, "I'm happy with two, but I would be happy with three. So it's up to you, I'm open either way." Now this sounds like the greatest answer of all like I am getting what I want, right? Somehow when he said that it made me REALLY think about what I wanted to do. (Yes, his plan worked, he made me think.) So now I wasn't sure if three kids was really what I wanted now that I knew I could have it. Since I wasn't sure and this was a huge desicion I decided I better do the right thing and start praying about it. And wouldn't you know that right in the middle of all of this we moved to the other side of the state.

As we were getting ready to move I started to convince myself that we would probably have our third child while living in the desert. The first six months we were there, I knew that it wasn't the time. Life was way too stressful and turned upside down from the move and MAJOR life change. But after we started feeling settled and the freaked outness wore off, the baby thoughts started back up. It was so bad that I could barely even look at pictures of my kids as babies without becoming overwhelmed with baby cravings. I prayed and prayed and kept getting no word from God. Once in awhile I would bring it up to Shad and as soon as it came out of my mouth, I knew it wasn't time. So then I would start praying for contentment instead, and that was A LOT!

About a month before we were to move back home, I was praying about the whole baby thing. And, finally, God showed me something. He took me to the story of Elisha and the Shunammite woman (II Kings 4:8-17). This woman made room and board for Elisha each time he came to town. Because of her hospitality she aided Elisha in spreading God's word. She had no son and her husband was old, so when Elisha called to her, he told her that "about this time next year you will hold a son in your arms." She doubted what he told her, but the next year she gave birth to a son. When I read this, I knew God was telling me it would happen for me, also. What a blessing it is when God gives you fairly direct answers to your wants and desires. However, I still didn't feel like it was time yet. So I continued to pray for contentment.

Fast forward to the new year. Just as my poor husband was packing to head back to the desert for the week (he commuted for a few months after the kids and I moved back home), I dropped a bomb on him. I'm pretty sure the question went something like this, "how would you feel if I told you my New Year's resolution was to go off of birth control?" Cruel, I know. "See you in a week, Honey!" He took it well but wanted us to think about it more. So I started praying again.

I was having my quiet time with the Lord one day and decided to just point blank ask God if I should stop taking birth control. I don't quite know what I expected, but I will tell you, I heard a very distinct YES. What? Am I hearing things? Yes? So I asked again...YES. So then I asked God if this was really Him or is my mind making this up. He is so good at saying just what we need at just the right moment. He took me to this verse:

From heaven the Lord looks down and sees all mankind;

from his dwelling place he watches all who live on earth-

he who forms the hearts of all,

who considers everything they do.

Psalm 33:13-15

I was speechless, for a moment, anyway. That should have been enough, but I was still a bit doubtful, so I asked "You seriously think three kids is it?" I could almost feel Him patting me on the head with that "Oh Honey" look on His face. So He took me here:

I will pour out my Spirit on your offspring,

and my blessing on your decendants.

They will spring up like grass in a meadow,

like poplar trees by flowing streams.

One will say, 'I belong to the Lord';

another will call himself by the name of Jacob;

still another will write on his hand,

'The Lord's,' and will take the name Isreal.

Isaiah 44:3b-5

Finally, I was convinced. I started to cry and thanked God over and over for caring and telling me He cared. How humbling to know we have a God that cares about what we do and will tell us when the time is right. What a great lesson in His timing and my patience. I'm pretty sure I spent the rest of the afternoon shaking because I knew I had to tell Shad next.

I truly believe that God gave me so many different verses because my husband is a research guy and he needs lot's of evidence to be convinced of something. He also wants to be sure I have done my research before I can convince him of things. I really appreciate this about him because if forces me to not just jump into things like I have a tendancy to do. So that evening I got up the guts (God gave me the guts) to bring up the baby subject. I told him all about what happpened earlier and showed him all the verses God showed me. You know what he said? "Well, I guess we're going to this, aren't we." I love that man. When the answer is right there, he just accepts it. What a guy.

I will spare you the details of how we got to where we are now with my being 14 weeks pregnant. I'm sure you can figure it out. I wanted to share this story because it really shows how faithful God is and that He is always listening even if we don't get an answer right away or even the answer we want. I love His faithfulness and His patience with me. So if you made it to the end of this story, my prayer is that it encourages you to wait on the Lord, He is listening.