Dreams

After the earthquake in Haiti, I have come across, through a friend and then a friend of a friend and then a friend of a friend of a friend, several blogs that I have become semi-addicted to reading. Not so much addicted but I thoroughly enjoy reading them and have been inspired and touched by them. But the post I read today left me wondering. At the end of her post she left this comment, "I would love to hear your dreams." I wanted to leave a comment, but I realized that I wouldn't know what to write. Off the top of my head I can't really come up with one. Why is that?

When I was young I had dreams. People who know me now probably don't realize that in junior high school I dreamed of being a journalist, news anchor really. I idolized Tom Brokaw. Problem was 1) I was not a fan of writing and 2) I was not a fan of public speaking. So that dream kind of fizzled out, mostly. But now that I am grown and realize that I can write what I want on my blog, I have realized that I do enjoy writing and I'm not all that afraid to be a little out spoken. So I guess that dream didn't die, it just took awhile to come to fruition.

I played the violin in the school orchestra from the second grade until the tenth grade. I used to dream of playing like a professional in a major orchestra. Or just being able to play well and in front of other people. But my insecurity (and a desire to look "cool" at school) got the best of me and I quit. That is one dream that I still have in the back of my mind, but, sadly, I am still afraid to pick it back up. I guess that dream is to-be-continued.

In high school I began to dream of being a nurse. A labor and delivery nurse to be specific. I wanted to deliver babies. So I pursued that dream to my best ability. I took allied health classes in high school. After graduation I went to the local nursing home and took a CNA class. I worked as a CNA for 5 years. In 1997 I got a job at the hospital as a CNA in the float pool, which was something I dreamed of at the time. During that time I got accepted to the nursing program at the local community college and continued to work at the hospital while I went to college.

I graduated from nursing school in 2000, then I took the NCLEX (national nursing test) to get my license. The day I received my license in the mail was also a dream come true. Part of that dream did change a bit. After trying my hand at many different types of nursing in clinicals and getting to know the job better, I decided that I didn't want to work in labor and delivery. I worked at the hospital floating to many different areas for several years.

Then came the next dream, to be a mom. God is faithful and He has blessed me with two wonderful kids. And now my dreams have changed again. I quit my job at the hospital to stay home and take care of my family and home. It was not easy to do, give up one dream for another, but that is something that happens as life changes and evolves.

Looking back I can see what I used to dream about, but what do I dream bout now? I have had to put a lot of thought into that question. And it makes me wonder, did I lose sight of my dreams? Am I just too busy or distracted to realize what they are? Have they changed from what I want for myself to what I want for my family? Or have I given my dreams fully to God and am waiting on Him to lead me on to the next dream? I think it is a little of everything.

It's truly amazing the way our dreams ebb and flow with where we are in life. Some are accomplished, some we let go of, and some we realize aren't really our dreams at all. I never want to lose track of my dreams for myself as a wife, as a mom, as an individual and as a daughter of Christ. It just may take a little reminder, once in awhile, to remember that I have dreamed and that I still do. Thank you, D, for bringing up the subject and making me think. So, after much pondering, here is what I have come up with...

I dream of being the loving, respectful, submissive wife that Shad needs me to be and that God wants me to be. I dream of raising kids that love God and walk through life with Him. I dream of being open with my faith and not hesitating to share it with anyone. I dream of having a large walk-in closet some day. I dream of losing 5 or 10 pounds. I dream of picking up that violin again and not being afraid that someone will hear me playing it. I dream that I will have the courage to be a leader at a mom's bible study. I dream that I will be brave (crazy) enough to have another child. I dream that God will use me to further His kingdom and that I will have the courage to let myself step out in faith to do it. I dream of being a better friend and listener. I dream of getting on a plane and flying to Maui, just Shad and I (can't wait until July 2011!). Hmm, I guess I do have some dreams after all.