Denial

Do you ever have one of those days where your spouse brings up a subject to talk about and you ABSOLUTELY don't want to have to talk about it or even think about it? But you didn't even realize that you have been working very hard to avoid it? So hard that you didn't even realize you were avoiding it? And you didn't even know how badly you didn't want to talk about it until your spouse brought it up, quite innocently, and you became very defensive and tried to avoid the conversation? Ya, that happened to me yesterday.

And it wasn't even the fact that we had been out Christmas shopping for the last 4 hours and we even had an extra child with us. No it wasn't because I was tired and didn't feel like having a serious conversation. It was simply because...I just didn't want to talk about it!

You know, if you are talking about something that means it could happen and you may need to make a decision. And the last thing you want to do is have to make a decision about it because it won't be easy no matter what the decision it.

I didn't even know I was living in denial for the last 2 months. I have been, quite happily, distracted with the kids, the new routine, life. Poor Shad has had many hours alone over there in the desert and driving in his truck back and forth across the state. He can't help but think about it. But, no, I don't want to.

But, it's getting closer to a time when we will need to make a decision. It's not too far off, what ever we do. So, I will think about it. I'm especially going to pray about it. Because whatever we are going to do I want it to be within God's will. So pray, think, even talk, I will. Even if I don't want to. Goodbye denial, it was fun...