Disturbing the Peeeece

Since I was recently in the throws of potty training, I have spent a monumental amount of time in public restrooms.  As any potty training parent knows, it can sometimes be 3 or 4 times in  a one hour trip to the grocery store.  I have become closely acquainted with the public restrooms at every single store I have been to in the last 9 months, whether it’s the mall, the grocery store, Target, any restaurant and even the outhouses that are parked at the end of our street where they are building houses.  During this time, I have noticed a trend in these public restrooms that I find quite offensive.  What is the deal with talking on a cell phone while using a public restroom?  What conversation is so important that you have to continue it while using the restroom? 

Two conversations that I have overheard while in a public restroom are as follows:

“Hey Hon, so I’m at the shoe store and I found a couple of pairs that I just love. (**tinkle, tinkle**)  Do you want me to pick you up any brown leather dress shoes? (**tinkle, tinkle**)  Maybe some with tassels?” (**tinkle, tinkle**)

“Oh, ya, we had some lunch. (**tinkle, tinkle**)  It was really nice (**tinkle, tinkle**)  Ya, now I’m at the grocery store. (FLUSH!)  Sorry, I had to stop in the restroom.”

So, what I want to know is why, why did these conversations have to happen in the public restroom?  What was so important that they could not have finished the conversation before entering the restroom or that could have waited until after they left the restroom?  And if they were mid conversation and then all of a sudden just had to pee, why couldn’t they have asked to call their caller back in a couple of minutes?  Or they could have, at the very least, out of pure decency, given the caller a choice: “Hey, I really need to go the restroom, can I call you back in 2 minutes, or would you prefer to continue this conversation while I pee?”  Who would choose the second one?  No one!

I have been thinking about this phenomenon for awhile and I got to wondering, when would it be appropriate to use a cell phone while in a public restroom?  I could only think of a few scenarios:

-“Yes, I just walked into a public restroom and there is a dead body in here.  Could you send the police?”

-“Yes, hi, I came into the public restroom to vomit and I, literally, puked my guts out..of my body.  They are lying on the floor.  I need an ambulance.”

-“Yes, hello, my two year old just pooped in her panties for the second time today, and the eighth time this week.  We are in the public restroom and I need one of your counselors to talk me down before I completely lose my sanity!”

-“Uh, yes, uh I just walked into the public restroom and there is a lady lying on the floor in the fetal position mumbling something about poopy panties.  And there is a little girl in the stall, that appears to be her daughter.  She keeps opening the lid to the little garbage can that is bolted to the wall.  I told her not to play with it because it is utterly the most disgusting thing she could ever touch and she just looked at me dead in the eye and opened the lid one more time.  It’s pretty scary, you better get down here.”

As you can see, I have deduced that the ONLY time it is appropriate to use your cell phone in a public restroom is in an emergency.

Here’s what really gets me about the cell phone in the public restroom phenomenon: when I realize that someone is on the phone in the next stall, my first instinct is to be respectful.  I wonder if I should flush or wait until they are done with their conversation so I don’t interrupt, because that would be so rude.  And then, I regain my intelligence and realize that I am doing what one is supposed to do in the public restroom, going to the restroom!  The one in the next stall over gabbing about tassels on shoes is the one being rude.  So, then I flush…and maybe one more time for good measure. 

Please join me in combatting this unacceptable phenomenon.  The next time you are in a public restroom and the person in the next stall is having a conversation on their phone, FLUSH.  Not just once, but maybe four of five times.  Just think: flush one, needed, flush two, sometimes necessary, flush three, huh?, flush four, WHAT?, flush five, Oh, maybe I’m being rude and should hang up this call until I am done going to the restroom.  It’s not too late to make a change in this world.

To any of my readers that are public restroom cell phone users, I say this,

HANG UP AND PEE!