Valentine’s Day

At this time last year, Shad and I were preparing to celebrate our twentieth Valentine’s Day together, in Maui.  It was a wonderful trip that brought us closer together.  We hiked, went for drives, ate out together, went on adventures (hello zip lining!), played together, shopped, and had a lot of one-on-one time together.  Just the two of us.  It was the best trip I have ever been on.

This year, as Valentine’s Day approached, I have been feeling a longing to be back in Maui (who wouldn’t?).  I told Shad that now that he has taken me there for Valentine’s Day, he is going to have to do something that big every year to celebrate, to avoid any big let downs.  A blank stare and a “yeah right” were all I got in reply.  This year we are planning a night out to dinner and a concert and just to put the icing on top, we will spend the night in a hotel right here in town (kid-free!!!).  Every year we both look forward to Valentine’s Day, a good excuse to go on a date and have some alone time.  As all parents know, that is not always an easy thing to do.

I recently saw some comments made by married people in regards to how they view Valentine’s Day.  They were like this:  “great for the kids, but not for me” or “no thanks” and “it’s a commercialized holiday”.  When I read these comments, it made me sad.  I was sad because these are married friends that didn’t see the point of setting aside one night to spend with their spouse, on a date.  I think that a lot of couples have forgotten how important it is to get away from the kids and be alone together.  I think that couples have forgotten how to date each other.

“It’s great for the kids, but not for me.”  I think this is a common thought for couples.  We get so caught up in getting the kids to sign their names to all 30 Valentine cards, tape the sucker to it, get the shoebox covered with pink paper and decorated, and get the sugar cookies made for the school party, that we forget that Valentine’s Day can be for us grown ups too.  I can skip the little card with the heart shaped sucker and matching tattoo taped to it, but I would love a romantic card that says “I love you and appreciate you” in it.  When did we get too grown up to get a Valentine from our spouses?  Why not do something for our better halves to make them feel special?

“No thanks.”  No thanks?  No thanks to setting aside special time to spend with your spouse?  No thanks to making sure your spouse is loved on a little extra for one day?  What could be better for a marriage than some time together?  I say “yes please!”  Marriage is sacred and I really think that people, husbands and wives, forget this.  We have got to make an effort to love on each other, to spend time together with out distractions, to really talk, and to date each other.  It is essential to a marriage to set aside that time and why not use Valentine’s Day for that?

“It’s just a commercialized holiday.”  To that I say, so what?!  Who cares?!  If you want to use that excuse then you better not celebrate birthdays, Halloween, Easter, Christmas, Thanksgiving or President’s Day either.  Hear me when I say, every holiday is commercialized.  You can’t finish one before you see the next one is advertised at the stores.  And if there isn’t stuff to buy for the holiday, then there is a sale in it’s name (President’s Day sale, Labor Day sale).  How about we quit spending our time sticking it to the man, and go out on a date with our spouse!  Let’s forget about what the stores tell us and get to the heart of the matter.  My marriage is important and spending some time with my spouse is way more important than taking a stand against commercialization. 

Hey, if money is an issue, I understand.  It is expensive to go out to dinner and a movie.  It’s expensive to pay a babysitter.  So put the kids to bed, have a late dinner together (or dessert), watch a DVD and, after the kids are fast asleep, retreat to your bedroom **wink, wink**.  A date doesn’t have to be fancy, it just needs to be the two of you, alone, together. 

The reason I write this is because marriage is a very special thing to me, and to Shad.  We have talked about this subject many times and we both agree that our birthdays, Valentine’s Day and our anniversary are sacred times that we WILL spend together.  It hasn’t always been perfect, we have had dinner dates that included the kids, but, remember, kids can go to bed way before we have to.  When I see such negative comments stated about a holiday where spending time with one’s spouse, telling and showing that spouse how much we love them and really making an effort to make the other feel special, I get concerned.  Marriage is a difficult thing and that is evident by the amount of divorce in our country.  While I know that skipping Valentine’s Day is not the cause of all divorce, I also know that taking time out of our day to day lives to be together is paramount to growing closer together.  I really hope that this year you might put aside your feelings about Valentine’s Day and do something good for  your marriage.  Date your spouse.  You never know, it could lead to something great!