Monday, December 17, 2012

Desperate Blessings

Last night, Hannah and I were headed to the store to pick up a couple groceries and maybe a Christmas gift or two.  It was just about dark and it was cold, blustery and raining.  I took the usual off-ramp to head to our usual, one-stop-shopping store.  As I drove up the off-ramp,I had the same thought that I have when I approach the light at the top of the hill:  “Will someone be there?”  You see, this is a very common corner for a person to be standing on while holding a cardboard sign that usually says something to the effect of “anything helps”.  Every time I approach this corner I have a slight sense of anticipation and I feel a little uncomfortable.  I really don’t enjoy sitting at the red light knowing that someone is standing there hoping that I will roll down my window and hand them a little cash.  I also have a feeling of guilt knowing that I am sitting in my nice warm car, that is practically brand new and headed to a store where I will easily spend a couple hundred dollars on food to fill my cupboards with, while the person standing just outside my window very may well have nothing.  So this night, as I approached the stop light, I felt that sense of anticipation.  I also thought to myself that there is no way anyone would stand outside in this terrible weather to try to get a few bucks.  I was wrong.  A woman, probably about my age or a little older, was standing with a sign (I don’t even remember what it said).  She looked clean and had on decent looking clothes.  If I would have seen her in a store I never would have guessed she was broke or possibly homeless.  A year ago my first thought, after seeing her, would be that she was out there for some extra cash, but didn’t really need it.  But tonight, when I saw her standing there all I could think was that I needed to give her some money.  She needs to get out of the rain!  After I stopped, one lane over from where she was standing, I immediately started to dig in my wallet for a twenty.  I rolled down my window and caught her eye while holding the folded twenty dollar bill toward her.  She smiled and came over to get it.  I said “merry Christmas” and smiled back at her.  Just as she turned to walk away, she glanced down at the money  I had just handed her and her face completely lit up.  It was like a kid opening presents on Christmas morning kind of face.  She looked me in the eye and said “God bless you, thank you!”  All I could think as she looked in my eyes was “God bless me?  God bless you!”  I said she was welcome and she headed back to her spot on the corner.  After a few seconds, she ran across the cross walk, stopping in front of my car to wave with a huge grin on her face.  She ran across the street toward the Burger King, maybe to get in her car, maybe to get some dinner, I don’t know, the light turned green and I had to go. 

 

When we first moved up here in the summer of 2011, I noticed quickly how many more people there were on corners holding signs than where we came from.  It made me very uncomfortable.  I had all the thoughts that the rest of us have had when we see them.  We wonder if they really are homeless or needy.  We wonder what they will spend the money on, like drugs, alcohol or cigarettes.  Maybe if I just give them food then they won’t spend my hard earned money on that kind of stuff.  Some we have seen on the same corner for many days and we wonder if they would be better off spending their time trying to find a job, maybe they are just too lazy.  I have often wondered if the guy holding the “need work” sign would actually take a person up on a job if one was offered to him.  But slowly, since we moved here, God has been changing how I see these people.  He has slowly been showing me that they are people, just like the rest of us and that He loves them the same way He loves me. 

 

The first summer we lived here, I saw a different woman standing on the corner at the light on the off-ramp.  She was a clean looking, pretty well dressed young woman with brown curly hair.  Her sign, that would have made me think she was scamming a year before, slayed me every time I saw it.  It simply said (and I will never forget this), “I can drink water, but my kids need milk”.  Every time I would see that woman and her sign I would get tears in my eyes.  I wanted to know her story, why she was standing on the corner holding such a sign.  Is she a single mom?  Did her husband lose his job?  Is he standing on a different corner somewhere?  Maybe he’s out looking for work and she is trying to help.  What if her husband died and she just doesn’t know what else to do?  Where is her family?  Why aren’t they helping her out?  What about her church?  Does she know Jesus?  She’s a mom, just like me, trying to take care of her kids.  It broke my heart to see her, but I also hated seeing her.  It made me feel like I should do something, but I really didn’t want to.  I wanted to just move along with my business.  One day, as I was approaching my exit toward her corner, I had a thought:  If that lady is at the corner today, I am going to stop and ask to take her to lunch and get to know her story.  I was all pumped, I was going to do it.  It was just Bethany and I and I felt like it would be perfectly safe.  She was there, standing right where I expected her to be.  My hands were shaking, I was going to stop.  As I came up to where she was standing, I drove right past her and I kept on to the store.  While I walked around the store, I kept telling myself that she would be there when I was done and I would do it then.  Over and over I told myself that.  When I drove by her corner, she was gone.  To this day I have never seen her again.  For over a year I have regretted my decision.  Maybe she needed someone to reach out to her that day.  Someone to care and listen to her story, whatever it was.  Maybe she would have thought I was crazy and said no way.  I will never know. 

 

Proverbs 3:28 says, “Do not say to your neighbor, “Come back later; I’ll give it tomorrow.”  When you now have it with you.”  I have something with me all the time.  I can’t spend it, like cash, and be out of it.  It’s in my heart and my entire being.  It’s the love of Jesus.  It’s always with me, ready for me to share with my neighbor, or the person standing on the street corner.  I have to be ready at all times to share it.  It could be a matter of eternal life or death to a person.  When the woman, last night, looked at the money and smiled like it was the toy she had asked for from Santa, I knew that I had shared the love of Jesus with her.  It didn’t matter if she needed it or not, if she spent it on drugs or milk for her family, she needed it.  God has shown me that it really doesn’t matter what the physical motivation is for a person to make a cardboard sign to stand on a street corner to hold.  There is only one real reason that they would do it, desperation.  Whether it’s desperation for drug money, cigarettes, food, water, a hot meal, or warm shoes, a person would have to be pretty desperate to lower themselves to begging on a street corner.  How can I ignore that desperation?  How can WE ignore that desperation?  We don’t have to hand them money or food, but we can show them love.  Maybe it’s just to not pretend they aren’t standing there just outside our car window.  Maybe it’s just to look them in the eye and smile at them.  Maybe it’s handing them a granola bar and some water.  What I know is this, if we are going to show the love of Jesus to another person, we have to start somewhere.  I will tell you one more thing.  When that lady smiled at me and said “God bless you” to me, God blessed me.  As I watched her go across the street to get out of the rain, I knew that handing her that twenty was what got her out of the rain with a smile on her face.  That was the blessing for me and I don’t want to miss out on that ever again.

1 comment:

Brazenlilly said...

Oh, friend, this is really beautiful and also a wonderful humble appeal for all of us to challenge ourselves in this area. Thanks for posting it.

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