Spring...break?

Spring break.  A time where the kids are off school and we get to do fun things with them all week.  A time to sleep in and relax.  Ya, hardly.  No relaxing happening for this mom.  Well, I may have looked relaxed on the outside, but, inside, inside I was wound so tight I thought Shad was going to come home and find me rocking back and forth in the corner mumbling incoherently.  And here's the funny (funny strange, not funny "ha, ha") thing, it wasn't the big kids being home, it was the tiny girl that would have been home with me anyway that was causing trouble.

It started about a week before spring break hit.  Bethany had been on formula for about a week when she started having bloody, mucousy stools and she was poopy every time I changed her diaper.  I didn't worry too much, I just figured her tiny tummy was adjusting to the change from breast milk to formula.  But after about 6 days I decided I should take her to the doctor.  Really I wanted to hear from him that he wasn't too worried either.  When I called to make an appointment as soon as they heard "bloody stool" they automatically went to their protocol that says they have to put a message through to the doctor for him to call me back as soon as possible.  So I talked to his nurse about it and answered all her questions.  "No, she is not fussy."  "No, no one has been sick around her."  "No, she has not had a fever."  So the nurse ran it by the doctor and we all decided that she probably was just getting used to the formula and we would watch it for another day or so.  That was the Thursday before spring break.

I kept an eye on things over the weekend and by Monday decided that I should get her in to actually see the doctor this time.  So I called the office again only to find out that our regular doctor was out of the office for the week.  Apparently he was going to have a relaxing break.  So I made an appointment with a doctor that I didn't really want to see.  The next day I took Bethany in and she was so kind to fill her diaper just moments before the doctor walked into the room.  So I went through it all again and showed him her dirty diaper.  I still thought that we were not dealing with a serious issue, I mostly brought her in to hear the doctor say that too.  Ya, as soon as he said we need to see how her platelets were and he began explaining to me what a CBC (complete blood count) was my nurse brain kicked in and all I could think was, "Holy crap!  My baby has leukemia!"  So began the winding of my insides.  I managed to remain calm on the outside as we headed over to the lab to have her little heal pricked. 

This is about the time that I began to shut down.  I went into survival mode.  I didn't want to talk about it with anyone for fear of showing that I was upset and might even cry.  I tried as hard as I could to act like it was no big deal when really I wanted to scream and bawl and have some one hug me and tell me it's all going to be alright.  I didn't even call Shad at work.  So I headed home with the kids and waited for the doctor to call me with the lab results.  And wait I did.  No call for the rest of the day, even though he said he would call later that day.  When Shad I got home I did tell him what was going on, but I completely down played it and tried to pretend that I wasn't that worried.

The next morning (Wednesday) I called the office to let them know I was still waiting to hear if my one month old daughter had leukemia and gave my cell phone number in case they decided to call me back some time soon.  Then the kids and I headed to Maria's house to hang with her and Sarah.  I went to nursing school with both these girls and am so thankful that they were with me that day.  Maria is an amazing ICU/Trauma nurse and Sarah works for the GI clinic.  Of course I ran all the information by them to see what they thought.  Then my phone rang.  My palms began to sweat.

The nurse started by telling me that Bethany's platelets were OK but there were some other abnormalities.  I will spare you the nurse talk but it sounded mostly like her body was reacting to a mild infection more than anything.  I asked the nurse if they wanted to collect a stool sample and check for a bacteria or parasite and she said "No, the doctor is referring Bethany to a pediatric gastroenterologist."  It mostly sounded to me like the doctor didn't know what was going on so he was just going to send us to someone who would know.  That was not the answer I wanted.  Then the nurse told me that if the GI doctor didn't know what was causing the abnormalities in Bethany's blood count then we may need to see a hematologist (a blood/cancer doctor).  As soon as I hung up the phone I was done.  Thank God that Sarah and Maria were there!  Sarah is so logical and reassuring and Maria was sure to not let me use my phone to look up the abnormalities on the Internet because it could only cause more unnecessary worry. 

The next morning Sarah called me from work to tell me that she ran all Bethany's information by one of the GI (not pediatric) doctors that she works with.  This doctor stated that she thought the other doctor caused me way too much undue worry.  She said it sounds like Bethany has a milk protein allergy and that her blood counts sounded appropriate considering.  She suggested that we may want to see a pediatrician for a second opinion but that I didn't need to be too worried.  When I heard that I cried and thanked Sarah for following through to bring me some peace of mind.  And then she told me that it was going to be OK.  That was just what I needed to hear!  After I hung up and thanked God, I decided that I still wanted to see our real family practice doctor before I talked to anyone else.

Friday I made that appointment for Monday (tomorrow).  I know he will be calm and reassuring, which is exactly what this mom needs!  I will also tell him that he is not allowed to go on vacation again until we have this all figured out.  In the mean time I switched Bethany over to lactose-free formula 2 days ago and she has had very minimal amounts of  blood in her stool for the last 24 hours.  Thank you, God!  I have been praying over that girl each night as I sit on the couch and feed her.  I think we may have it figured out.  Thank you, God! 

I hope to have a positive update tomorrow after Bethany sees the doctor.  Please be praying for her that she is healthy and for me that I don't lose it.  Thank you!