Makes You Think

I am feeling a bit humbled.  I was just checking on Baby Bowen and how he is doing.  Looks like he is doing well, but the progress is slow.  I can't imagine the roller coaster his parents are on right now having their new born son in the PICU after having open heart surgery just hours after birth.  As I was reading the latest post on their blog the baby inside me was wiggling around.  I can imagine that Bowen's mom was feeling him moving inside her at 18 weeks gestation and anticipating the 20 week ultrasound just as I am.  I am most excited to learn the gender of this tiny baby number 3, but I also anticipate seeing the baby and that it is healthy and growing just as it should.  What if they found something wrong with this baby?  What if it has a heart defect or deformity?  How would I take it?  Would it grow me or would I become bitter and angry?  Maybe a little of both, I don't know.

After spending the night before watching the doctor literally put his fingers inside his son's chest this is what Bowen's dad, Matt, had to say:

A friend told me that I’ve seen too much, but I’m realizing that I might not see enough. Everything I’ve watched happen in this hospital, all the pain I’ve felt, is deepening my faith, strengthening my marriage, and molding my character.  As I lovingly stared into Bowen’s eyes just before midnight, my face only inches from his chest, I thought, “this love is an awesome mess.” I know I’m not the first person to think or to say something like that. Many great works of art have titles that are reminiscent of those words. I believe it’s because tension is the place where the worst of life and the best of true hope meet to unveil our eyes to God’s artistic work of redemption. What a mighty and creatively loving God we serve. He allows us to know great pain, so that we can know the greater pleasure of trading it in for purpose.

I am so moved by those words and his outlook.  He's seen so much, but it's not enough.  God uses the trials in our lives to grow us and mold us to be more like Him.  I am so thankful for that!  I pray for a healthy, strong baby, but I also pray that God will give me the strength and faith to trust whatever He gives us. For now I am so thankful for the life growing inside me, Josh, Hannah and my wonderful husband, Shad.  No matter what happens in this life I have been so blessed, in the hard times and the good times.