The Unknown and a Budget

My brain has been a bit overloaded lately. We seem to be in that place (the one we have been in and out of for several years, now), the unknown is there staring us in the face. In fact, Shad and I have talked about it and both agree that the only time we really felt semi-certain about life was the time that we lived in the desert. Isn't that funny, that our time in the desert was our most secure time? And now here we are back home (security?) for about six months and I am felling pretty insecure about life. Where is Shad's next job? Will he just be working in the office from now on? Will we have to move up to the big city closer to the office? Will he be put on a project? Will we have to move if he does get put on a project? Should we really enroll the kids in school if we aren't completely sure where we will be? Or should we just let all of those questions go to God and just wait and see where He takes us? (Sounds good anyway.)

And while we are asking all of those questions we are also learning a new lifestyle. One thing I am sure of is that it is time for me to give up working outside of the home and be with my kids. You know what that means...a tighter budget. Ugh! I hate that word, budget. I heard it a lot growing up. Don't get me wrong, my parents did a great job! I know they hated the word as much as I do now. Who doesn't hate that word? But with me not working it's inevitable. So we are on a budget now. (There, I said it.) What a struggle it is to change the way we spend money. For me it is a constant battle within myself. Shopping has become a way of life, a way of coping with life, for me. I'll admit it, it makes me feel good to get something new. Even if it is a new toy for Josh or a sundress for Hannah. I used to go to Target and come home with something new for each one of us. Once a week!

Now, I am not trying to whine or complain. I have no reason to anyway. God provides, He always has. I try to look at this budget business as a gift from God. It's a way to be a better steward with the money that He has always been faithful to provide to us. I try to lean on Him more when it comes to how I spend. (Sounds good, doesn't it.) OK, I am trying to whine and complain, but just a little. God has ALWAYS provided for us and He always will. Unfortunately, I am me. I like to spend money on what I want, when I want it. Being on a tighter budget than what I am used to is an attitude adjustment. And when I am asked to adjust my attitude, I tend to become a bit stubborn and dig in my heels. I know Shad would not agree with that statement (ya, right!). I need to rely more on God and His provisions, instead of being self centered. And couldn't we all use a little more God and a lot less me? (Is it just me??)

I'm not sure how to conclude this post, so I will end it by being thankful. Here's the stuff that makes my heart swell these days:

I love that Josh tells his teacher that he loves her.

I love that Josh saves part of his snack at school each day to give to Hannah when we pick him up from school.

I love watching Hannah at her tumbling class.

I love that she is such a good listener.

I love that my kids are spunky and give Shad and I a run for our money at least twice a day.

I looooove Shad. Oh, I love Shad.

I love that I no longer feel like an outsider when I hang with my bro's and sister.

I love my new nephew.

I love that Brooke lives close again.

I love hanging with my back home girls!

I love that I get to go away on a girl's weekend in just a week and a half.

I love that I can run without wanting to die. (more on that later...5K?)

I love that moving away has actually brought me closer to my family and friends.

I love that God healed some very damaged parts of my heart while I was in the desert!!

I love that while walking through Nordstrom today, just to use the bathroom, Hannah asked if we could stop and look at dresses for a few minutes. (Like tears in my eyes love!)

I love watching Hannah put on her lip gloss for 5 minutes.

I love that Josh wants to call me Mama instead of Mommy lately.

I love being back at my home church.

I love Mom 2 Mom.

I love that we have a home church and family on both ends of the state.

I love that we are back where the kids can spend time with all of their cousins.

I love Shad. (Did I say that already?)

I love that God never gives up on me even when I can't see how He could ever want to talk to me again.

I love that the unknown is staring us in the face and I love being on a budget, just means I get to lean on God even more.