Hurdles

Tomorrow is a big day for me and the kids, well, Shad too. We are going to pack the kids up and drive all the way back home to drop them off with Grandma for 8 days! I have been feeling a bit stressed for the last week or so and today has been the climax of that stressed feeling. I woke up this morning feeling shaky and a little queasy. I have always tried to pride myself on being the laid back mom. The one that can let her babies cry it out, doesn't' get too excited when I see one of my kids take a tumble and has very little trouble leaving my kids for the weekend. And usually it really doesn't get to me. I know it is good for us to get a break from each other, they love to be with Grandma and her with them and Shad and I could definitely use a weekend away. But I have never left them for this long of a stretch before.

I think under normal circumstances I would be only a little apprehensive, but we are not under normal circumstances. You see, tomorrow is only the first giant hurdle in a long line of giant hurdles to jump over. So my stress level and emotional fragility are almost at maximum capacity for me. I am in the midst of an emotional pile up. I am going to describe my next week to you all, so hold on, it's going to be bumpy and go fast! (I'm not sure if I was saying that to you or to me.)

Day 1: Pack up Shad, the kids and I, along with a drift boat full of random stuff. Drive the 7 hour drive back home. Drop the random stuff off in the garage of our house, drop the boat off at Shad's brother's so he can get it back to Jeff, then leave the kids at Grandma's house. All during that time try to say hello to the family members that live close by. Then Shad and I will head back the way we came for about 2 1/2 hours to spend the weekend at his work retreat. Now this is something that I look forward to all year long. While the employees are in meetings all day Friday and Saturday, us wives are shopping or being pampered at the spa. So I will get a little reprieve from the craziness in my head!

Day 4: Shad and I will cruise back to the desert, childless. It's about a 5 1/2 hour drive. But it will be nice to not have to hurry, or pick up kids.

Day 5: My first day at home alone, with no kids. Now most people would look at this as a positive thing. And I do see it as a good thing. But when a mom is used to the noise of 2 little rug rats getting under foot all day long, it's going to be strange. I will also begin packing the house. I am looking forward to going through the kids' rooms and purging like a banshee!

Day 6: Much like day 5, maybe a little easier. I'll continue packing up the house. Then that evening Shad and I and our friends the Stevens and Lucy are going to hit a Casting Crowns and Matt Redmond concert in town. I am really looking forward to that!

Day 7: Pack. Try not to go insane from the quiet. And then the sad part. Our last night at our small, wonderful desert church. It's going to be very hard to leave. A couple of Sundays ago Shad and I were called forward by our pastors. I was not prepared for the raw emotion and tears from Pastor Kay. It almost killed me. She said that God brought us to them, while all I could think was how God had brought them to us! No, this day is going to be one of the biggest hurdles, for sure.

Day 8: Shad picks up the U-Haul after work this day. We will spend the evening loading it up with the help of some of our amazing desert friends. I will probably be pretty jokey that night. Trying to avoid serious talk. I hate to say goodbye, even though I know this is what God wants us to do, go back home. Another tough night! Shad and I did get smart this time. We are going to keep our mattress out of the truck to sleep on, instead of the floor. And this time we won't be on the floor with the kids rolling all over us as we try to get some rest, like the night before we came to the desert.

Day 9: I will climb into my car and Shad into the U-Haul and we'll make the last official trek across the state with our entire house. What a drive it will be.

It doesn't end there. On the following Monday I have to get my boy up, put him in his shiny new clothes and drive him to his first day of school. And now that I actually write this I realize that this is probably the biggest hurdle for me to jump because I am now looking at the screen through teary eyes. I know most of you did this already this month, but Josh is starting a month late due to the move. It is in the back of my mind constantly. My little boy, my first born, going off to school. It's like a whole new life is beginning when we move back home. I feel like I am supposed to be done having babies and raising toddlers, and that I am a semi seasoned mom of a school kid and one not far behind him. This transition is really, really getting hard for me. Is it because I know I may never birth another child? Is it because it's hard to watch my kids grow up? Is it because I am beginning a new season in my life? Yes, yes and yes! This is a tough beginning for me to accept. So I guess it's not the leaving the kids for a week that is killing me. It's the fact that the kids are slowly leaving me that is killing me. God give me strength...please.